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It's a Pollywog World

2006-06-01T02:20:00.000+01:00

There may be computers in 3rd world countries but there's no wifi so it's been hard for me to get to a computer for what seems like years. It's actually been only months. Nine Months. Nine months is how much time it takes for a pollywog to become a little sister. Another little sister because now I have two. A black one and a white one which reminds me of a joke. What's black and white and red all over? I actually don't know because I never got the joke and neither did Zippy. Anyway there is big news a foot. Big news a foot in deed. I am a brother AGAIN and that's no lie. Her name is Shiloh Something Jolie-Pitt. I always forget her other name because it's not in my language that I speak fluently. The papa rats are everywhere and the authorities confiscate everyone's camera but they forgot to take my fisher-price handy-cam and so I took a few photos of Shiloh Something with my own two hands (and camera) Here are some of my favorite pictures of her without further ado:

It's not a professional camera or anything like that but it works alright and it gets the job done. So there, now you can please pay me a million-trillion-infinity dollars for these exclusive photos. Oh yeah and Zippy says hi.

Bye and thank you for waiting for me to get wifi so I can blog about my life as Mad.

Damaste.

Oh No! Not Again!

2005-09-26T07:09:00.000+01:00

Look at the pretty picture below. This is a picture of my new sister, Katrina. That's what Ange told me. She told me to look at this picture and know that it's probably going to be a girl. I guess I can see the eye, but I really can't see any other stuff. I asked Ange if this was in her tummy, like other pictures of kids when they are really tiny. She laughed and said "it was on everyone's mind." So, will the baby come out Ange's nose?

The other day when I wrote that I was busy, I wasn't in school. I was fibbing! I was at Peace One Day which was kind of fun, but I wanted a piece of pie and there wasn't any. Instead it was a bunch of grown-ups talking quietly. I was really bored. I just wanted to play with my Matchbox Trucks, but Ange already told me I can't anymore because they aren't hybrid.

Ange told me I needed to say that I was sorry for not writing. I don't like saying it because I'm not really that sorry, but I guess I kind of feel weird. But I am sorry, I guess. Ange told me that when you do something, even if you didn't mean to do it, you should still be sorry in case anyone tries to make you feel bad. That doesn't make a lot of sense but then she said people can't be angry with you when you're sorry. Unless you do something really, really bad. Like draw on Zippy with a marker. I did that. I'm sorry, Ange!

Sheesh!

2005-09-22T20:09:00.000+01:00

I haven't had a chance to write in a while because I'm in school! And Hero has been taking me to different places and Ange makes me do all of my homework, like haiku and astrophyics. I'm going to have some free time this weekend, and I promise I'll tell you stuff. OK?

PS - I'm glad that everyone likes my writings.

How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends?

2005-08-31T07:42:00.000+01:00

I found this picture of Ange and myself at the bottom of my toy chest. Underneath my Hulk Hands and this weird magnetic bracelet Hero bought for me was an image that I thought would never see the light of day. A picture without Zippy. A picture when Ange was still "Mommy." I miss those days. I really, really do. I'm sure you've been reading Zippy's blog, although it's not really that interesting because she watches too much television and reads too many magazines that Buster told me aren't real. I'm not really mad, though. I just wish that I could remember all of the times Ange and I had together. I don't know if you know but I'm four now. And this picture was probably taken when I was three, which was a long time ago. It's hard to remember stuff, although once I learned how to go to the bathroom like a big boy I never forgot.

Buster told me I might be getting my own TV show. Hero told me that if I did, he would help design the set. Worthington told me he wanted to be there every step of the way, from making sure applesauce was always in my trailer to my homework getting done. I don't know how I feel about all this. I just want a banana and some cake. Ange told me I could probably live on bananas and cake if I needed to. Maybe I'll send a banana to people who really need it. I have lots of them.

I just woke up and I need to get ready for school. Worthington has my lunch ready, and Hero is going to drive me. If I have time, I'll make Worthington write something else. Bye!

P.S. - If anyone wants to send me candy, just let me know, ok?

My Sister Is A Copy Cat!!!!

2005-08-24T08:38:00.000+01:00

http://princesszahara.blogspot.com

In A New York Minute!

2005-08-23T10:01:00.000+01:00

It was just another trip to the place people in America call the Big Apple. I think that's funny. Hero was somewhere else, and Zippy and I were with Ange. I was just a normal kid, with a normal life, and normal influences, like Van Gogh and Basquiat. But then ... IT HAPPENED!

I don't know why everyone started reading my blog, but Worthington told me it was because I was really special. He said it was my paintings, and my laugh. Well, I'm not so sure about all this. When Ange took me shopping the other day, everyone kept staring at us, and I knew they were really staring at me. Usually, they stare at Ange because she's really pretty and she's my mommy and she's really nice, but now that I'm famous, everyone seems to be acting weird.

I only started this to have an outlet for my thoughts. Worthington thought that it was a good idea, and that it would help me get rid of the pressure of being so cool. But, I don't know! In light of all that has happened, Hero and Ange both suggested I hire a publicist. Worthington found me a really cool dude, Buster West & Associates. He can be reached at buster_west@hotmail.com - he is my new publicist, and he makes me happy. He told me "don't worry kid, we'll make sure your face is everywhere, from cereal to CBS!" Is that good? Ange said for now, that's really good.

I'VE BEEN FOUR NOW FOR A LONG TIME!!!!!

2005-08-16T09:23:00.000+01:00

Ange told me we might be getting another one. I'm not so sure if that's good. I like Zahara I guess, and Hero told me that it might be fun to have more. BUT I'M FOUR NOW. And that's no lie. Ange and Hero got me swords, guns, missles, bombs, and sneakers. I'm really lucky to have them, and now that I'm living at the Ocean House, I'm going to start school with Americans instead of British kids. I liked being the only kid, and now I like being the only boy, so I hope Ange was jaykaying when we had to take this picture.

I wonder what I'm going to learn in school this year. I can already jump. I can walk, crawl, run, and paint, too. I spend most of my time working on abstracts, but I can also build sand castles and mud pies. Maybe I will learn how to play the guitar. Or ride Hero's motorbike. Or maybe they will teach me to read, but Worthington already does that for me, and he told me not to worry because he'll always tell me exactly what it says.

Worthington is getting on the plane and leaving the castle and coming to the Ocean House and I'm really excited and I'm really happy and Hero told me he can sleep on the bottom bunk in my room! Zahara and Ange have been sleeping together a lot, and Hero usually sleeps in a tent outside and prays and talks to himself and builds fires and draws pictures of houses. The Ocean House is fun. Ange told me we will be staying here at least six whole months! That means I'll be 4 1/2 when we even start looking to go. I'm hungry! I'm going to make a mud pie now. JK! No, fruit roll-ups. Ha!

Did You Ever Know That You're My Hero?

2005-08-07T20:14:00.000+01:00

I have a hero in my life, and it's not Spiderman or Franz Ferdinand (but I love them both. Especially Mr. Ferdinand - I love his songs!). It's my dad, Brad! BradDad!! Ange had no problem with me calling him BradDad, but she told me I shouldn't get my hopes up when it was all brand new and stuff. But now, with Zahara and Ange BFFing, I needed someone in my life to be my friend. BradDad is not just my friend, though. He's my HERO, and he could beat up anyone else if he wanted to. Have you seen Fight Club? I've seen it 16 times already.

Ange told me I should be nice to Hero because Hero really likes me a lot. And Ange told me that everyone needs a hero, so even if BradDad isn't the best hero, he's a great hero for now. I think I know what Ange means, so I've been extra-nice to Hero, sometimes even calling him Daddy. Hero enrolled me in a school near the Ocean House just in case we live there or something.

Ange and Zahara have been playing lots of games, and doing other stuff that Ange and I used to do. Hero is helping me redecorate my room at the Ocean House; I'm going for a medieval look to remind me of my Castle and bedroom #5.

I'm confused. It's a whole other world now that I'm four. Am I different? Will Worthington treat me different? Will Hero and Ange want me to start doing chores? I've never done anything that I didn't want to do, so I don't know how to do something I don't like doing. That's going to be really, really hard. Maybe I'll paint something to represent my bad frustrations.

Time Flies When You're Rich and Powerful

2005-07-27T22:49:00.000+01:00

BradDad caught meningitis two weeks ago. I wonder if it has anything to do with Zahara and the other stuff we brought home from Africa. A nice man named Shaka gave me a healing stick that I have been whacking BradDad in the bum with (Ed. Note: Master Maddox's English could be presented in a grammatically correct manner, but I have vowed on Queen Jolie's decree to represent the young master's verbiage exactly as it is stated. I have tried to explain that one should never end a sentence with a preposition, but for now, we are working on toilet training. One skill at a time, I presume). It's been a little while since I've posted, but I have been really, really busy. I'm painting again, which has taken a great weight off of my shoulders; being a creative individual can sometimes burden the soul in inexplicable ways.

Now that BradDad and Ange are really serious, I have to tell him about my REAL step-dad Billy. Below you will see a loving picture that I took of Ange and Billy in happier times. Billy liked me, in fact, he recently contacted my agent in regard to a small role in The Bad News Bears. BradDad is the best, though. YEAH! I LOVE HIM!!!

My birthday is soon. I will be four years old. That's really old. I will be witnessing my second leap year of life, and it will be fun. I will leap like a frog. Ribbit! Right now I'm three and eleven-twelfths and it's the pits. Worthington has my stallion saddled, and I need to ride. Cheers!!!

Zahara Marley & The Wailers

2005-07-10T05:58:00.000+01:00

I've been crying a lot. A lot a lot a lot. I love my new sister. I love her because I have to. But I liked being the only one! I can't believe it. I thought I was going to be the apple of Ange's eye forever. I watched BradDad kiss Ange and buy me stuff and live with us in the castle, but he's my BradDad, so I guess it's OK. But now? MY SISTER? Zahara Marley Jolie. It has a nice ring to it, like when I take my blocks and throw them at Worthington's head.

Dr. Van Dostrand told me that it's o.k. to have bad feelings. He has a really comfortable couch that I lie on and tell him stuff. He used to ask me about BradDad, and other stuff like what my favorite color is. He's been asking me about Zahara and what it's going to be like now that I have to give her three of my rooms. Dr. VD taught me about the word "compromise." He told me I was going to have "compromise" with Zahara and share and not cry and kiss her and be nice and pet her and not push her down the spiral stairs or run over her with my dirtbike and and and ... whhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh.

Chankrisna likes to dry my eyes and sing "When You Wish Upon A Star" in Cambodian to me when I get sad. She reminded me about the new friend that I was going to have, a new partner. I told her that I thought I was going to get a boy, someone who likes to beat people up and play with swords. But she said sometimes in life we have to "compromise." I asked her if VD told her about that. She got really red, which is hard to do when your skin isn't creamy, dreamy, milky white like Ange and BradDad. She asked how I knew about VD and if I was going through her drawers and reading her tests. I told her that I didn't know how to read, and why would she be taking tests if she wasn't in school? Then I told her VD isn't bad, and that she should lie down on a big, soft couch.

Mr. Geldof told me that Ange and BradDad were true heroes for saving my sister. He even said there is a whole song about it that I should learn to sing. I can bring it to school he said. I told him I'm not going to school. I'm going to work in Africa with Ange. Maybe BradDad could come, too. We're going to make sure that they are all happy so I don't get any more brothers or sisters.

Dirty Blondes and Dirty Bikes

2005-07-05T00:26:00.000+01:00

BradDad's head itches a lot. He told me so. He told me I should never make my hair yellow. But Ange makes my hair all different colors, because she told me that all colors are equal. I don't know what they equal but Worthington told me that was true. Except in places like Africa, where mommy works. My favorite color is blue. But, sometimes my favorite color is grey, because BradDad bought me six grey bunnies from the pet shop. I've named all of them, but Ange told me I should name two of them Billy Bob and Johnny Lee, because those are good country names for animals that belong in cages and aren't smart at all.

BradDad let Ange let me on my dirtbike. It's not like BradDad's bike but it makes the same kinds of noises. It's really loud and BradDad told me that I have to ride it without a shirt on or else it doesn't work as good. Ange has a bike also, but she doesn't like it as much except when she acts like she is Tomb Raider. I really want BradDad to stay with us in the main castle in my room with the bunnies. He helps me feed them and everything. I really have a fun life and I like cake. I want a banana. Cheers!

Mrs. Smith Goes To Washington

2005-06-26T08:54:00.000+01:00

Sorry! I am sorry for not telling Worthington what to type for a long time, but Ange and I went to America! Ange said that people in America are robots who like people who are also robots. I like robots! I like Transformers and stuff.

I took this picture of Ange when she was auditioning for a new movie called "The Jeffersons." Ange told me it was a very popular T.V. show before I was born. After Ange did really good on her audition, she took me to a white house where she said a really bad, dirty, idiotic wannabe cowboy from Connecticut pretending to be from Texas man lives. We stood there and then she bought me ice cream and told me to eat it fast because the man in the white house lets people drive Tonka Trucks which makes everything a lot hotter. After we ate ice cream and laughed and sung some songs and then tickled each other and stuff, we thought about going home. I said "where's BradDad?" and Ange said he would probably be meeting us back at the castle, although we might be going together somewhere to play. I hope we can eat ice cream there, too. Worthington told me I need to get a new haircut. Bye!

Mr. & Mrs. Mommy & Daddy

2005-06-12T12:03:00.000+01:00

Ange left me at home so she could go to the big movie with Brad last Tuesday. I started crying. I wanted to go to the big movie! Ange said I should be a big boy but it's hard! I think it's because Brad doesn't like me. He's really nice to me and buys me stuff and builds sand castles with me in Africa and stuff, but I know he likes to kiss Ange. And so do I! Ange told me that the kissing is different, that she kisses me for different reasons than she kisses Brad.

Anyway, now that the numbers are out for the big movie, Ange is really excited. I said, "Ange, I can count to six!" Ange giggled like Mary Ann Whitterow at my school. She said "silly, Ange's big movie made a lot more than six. Do you know what this means? I said, "can you buy me a pretzel with mustard?" She said, "of course! But also, it means that Ange and BradDad are going to bring you the best present of all!" I screamed! "ARE YOU GETTING ME A BLACKHAWK UH-60 WITH GUNS AND SWORDS AND MISSILES!?"

Ange's favorite gun is the pump shotgun. And BradDad likes pistols. I like warbirds. But the present is none of those things. I asked Chankrisna if she knew what Ange was getting. Chankrisna said it might be a new friend. A best friend to live with Ange and me. And then maybe BradDad will stay with us, too. Ange, BradDad, me, Worthington, Chankrisna, and some other people that live at our castle whose names I forget because I'm three and five-sixths years old.

Happy Birthday, Mommy!

2005-06-04T05:26:00.000+01:00

It's my Mommy's birthday today! It's my Mommy's birthday today! Yea! Yea! Hooray! So now that my Mommy is 30 years old she says it's time to make some changes. I like changes. Like when she changes my pull-up. She wants me to sleep in my own bed now which is fine with me because I have fourteen beds and Worthington said that he would wear Mommy's perfume so that I could fall asleep and dream of Mommy kissing my nose. "So what else, Mommy?" I asked. She said I should call her "Ange" from now on. She thinks because we are both more mature, it's better. So I am going to have to get used to calling Mommy "Ange," which will be hard but Worthington said he would help. I am learning how to sing "Happy Birthday" in Cambodian. Chankrisna is my maid. Mommy adopted her just for me. She cleans my room and gives me ice cream. She is from Cambodia like me. Her name means "sweet-smelling tree." She lives in Guest House #3.

For Ange's birthday we are going to go to the store and buy stuff to make a cake. And then, I want to go back to Africa! And I want to build sand castles with Mommy and rub her back! She likes when I do karate chops on her shoulders. She says it feels good and I have magic hands. I can't believe it! I wonder what else these hands can do? I need stuff. Like Dragon Tales. I like Dragons. I also like fire and wax. That is why we have candles on the cake. It was my idea. Happy Birthday Mommy! Sorry I called you Mommy. Can I change mine to Chinook? Maybe for my birthday???

True Religion

2005-05-29T13:08:00.000+01:00

I designed my first pair of jeans for my Mommy. She told me I was the smartest little boy ever. I told her I wanted a daddy. Mommy started laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing. She picked me up and looked in my eyes and said "mommies don't need daddies. All mommies need is their babies to love them." I said "Can I have a helicopter?" And then she said "no." I like Brad. Maybe if he was my daddy he would get me a helicopter. But sometimes she tells me that my only daddy is mommy, too! My mommy is my mommy and my daddy. That makes me laugh! I'm going to play now.

I Love My Mommy!

2005-05-22T20:38:00.001+01:00

Hi! I'm three and five sixths years old. I will be four soon. I hope my mommy buys me a helicopter or tickets to see Franz Ferdinand. I love my mommy. We were at a hotel a couple of days ago and it was fun. This lady took pictures of my mommy and me. My mommy is very pretty and the lady kept saying so. "Isn't your mommy beautiful?" she kept saying to me. I like sugar because it tastes yummy. Right now, I'm getting ready to go to school tomorrow. My mommy is in Pakistan. I'm going now. Bye!